Wenger Slams Arsenal’s Disastrous Display Against Liverpool

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Arsene Wenger has described Arsenal’s performance in the 4-0 loss to Liverpool as disastrous.

Liverpool were top notch at Anfield today, beating a woeful Arsenal 4-0 , with Firmino and Mane scoring in the first half.

Salah and Sturridge scored in the second half to round off the riot and Wenger bemoaned his side’s performance.

“The result is a consequence of our performance. We were not good enough. We were beaten everywhere physically, in the end I believe we made it easier for them, and the mistakes gave them a cushion,” the Frenchman told Sky Sports .

“It was shocking [the goal before half-time] but our performance was absolutely disastrous. There are some reasons behind it but we have to analyse.

“The players now go on their international break, but we do have to take the consequences of our performance today.

“If you find a manager who is happy with that performance today, I wish you good luck. The emotions are negative, but it’s not the right moment to talk about that.”

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Rabiot: PSG Will Be Good Fit For Mbappe

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Adrian Rabiot believes Paris Saint Germain will be a good fit for Monaco teenager, Kylian Mbappe.

The Ligue 1 club are close to agreeing a deal for Mbappe, who has also been courted by City and Madrid.

“For him and for PSG it would be a good thing,” he told Telefoot.

“It would be symbolic for PSG’s image as he is a young player from the Paris region, and of course, on the sporting front because of what he brings.”

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McGregor: I Have Lots Of Options

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Conor McGregor says he has a lot of options to choose from, after his little foray into boxing ended in a defeat to Mayweather.

McGregor held his own early in the fight, but could not hold his own against Floyd Mayweather.

The Referee had to stop the match in the 10th round, despite pleas from the Irish mixed martial arts professional not to.

Asked at the post-fight press conference whether boxing on is an option, McGregor said: “I’m not sure what’s next. I have multiple world titles in the UFC to think about as well as the boxing.

“I’m a student of the game and I’ve studied Floyd and it was an honour to share the ring with him. I will get back into my jiu-jitsu and freestyle wrestling training and we will see what’s next. I have many options in the sport of MMA.”

Many had predicted an early embarrassment for the boxing novice, but he said: “I’m a multiple-weight freestyle world champion and I was a little bit surprised at the disrespect I was shown. The disrespect for my skill took me back a little bit.”

McGregor said of the American: “You’re a composed individual. You didn’t get rattled; you made three game changes during the fight and that’s what a true champion does.

“I would have liked to see the end of the 10th and where it brought us, but he’s one hell of a competitor.

“I thought I put him out there and hit him a few times but then he started reading it and he began parrying a lot. I enjoyed the fight; it was a great contest and I’ll take a lot of stuff with me into my training.”

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McGregor: I Have Lots Of Options

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Conor McGregor says he has a lot of options to choose from, after his little foray into boxing ended in a defeat to Mayweather.

McGregor held his own early in the fight, but could not hold his own against Floyd Mayweather.

The Referee had to stop the match in the 10th round, despite pleas from the Irish mixed martial arts professional not to.

Asked at the post-fight press conference whether boxing on is an option, McGregor said: “I’m not sure what’s next. I have multiple world titles in the UFC to think about as well as the boxing.

“I’m a student of the game and I’ve studied Floyd and it was an honour to share the ring with him. I will get back into my jiu-jitsu and freestyle wrestling training and we will see what’s next. I have many options in the sport of MMA.”

Many had predicted an early embarrassment for the boxing novice, but he said: “I’m a multiple-weight freestyle world champion and I was a little bit surprised at the disrespect I was shown. The disrespect for my skill took me back a little bit.”

McGregor said of the American: “You’re a composed individual. You didn’t get rattled; you made three game changes during the fight and that’s what a true champion does.

“I would have liked to see the end of the 10th and where it brought us, but he’s one hell of a competitor.

“I thought I put him out there and hit him a few times but then he started reading it and he began parrying a lot. I enjoyed the fight; it was a great contest and I’ll take a lot of stuff with me into my training.”

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Mayweather: I Am Done

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Floyd Mayweather has once again announced his retirement after his 50th win, following a 10th round stoppage of McGregor in Las Vegas.

The 40-year-old boxer ended an absence of almost two years from the ring, to face Irish UFC star Conor McGregor.

However, Mayweather has vowed to stand by his decision after surpassing Rocky Marciano’s record.

“Rocky Marciano is a legend and I look forward to going down in the hall of fame some day,” Mayweather told Showtime.

“This is my last fight ladies and gentlemen, my last fight. Tonight was my last fight for sure.

“I chose the right dance partner to dance with. Conor McGregor, you’re a hell of a champion and to the country of Ireland, we love you guys.”

“He’s a tough competitor and I think we gave the fans what they wanted to see,” said Mayweather. “I told them that I owed them for the [Manny] Pacquiao fight. I must come in straight ahead and give the fans a show, and I think that’s what I gave them.

“He was a lot better than I thought he was. He used different angles. He was a tough competitor, but I was the better man tonight.

“Our game-plan was to take our time, go to him, let him shoot all his heavy shots early and then to take him out at the end, down the stretch.

“Well, if I’m not mistaken, I guaranteed everybody that this fight wouldn’t go the distance. Boxing’s reputation was on the line. Boxing’s a hell of a sport, MMA is a hell of a sport.”

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Mayweather: I Am Done

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Floyd Mayweather has once again announced his retirement after his 50th win, following a 10th round stoppage of McGregor in Las Vegas.

The 40-year-old boxer ended an absence of almost two years from the ring, to face Irish UFC star Conor McGregor.

However, Mayweather has vowed to stand by his decision after surpassing Rocky Marciano’s record.

“Rocky Marciano is a legend and I look forward to going down in the hall of fame some day,” Mayweather told Showtime.

“This is my last fight ladies and gentlemen, my last fight. Tonight was my last fight for sure.

“I chose the right dance partner to dance with. Conor McGregor, you’re a hell of a champion and to the country of Ireland, we love you guys.”

“He’s a tough competitor and I think we gave the fans what they wanted to see,” said Mayweather. “I told them that I owed them for the [Manny] Pacquiao fight. I must come in straight ahead and give the fans a show, and I think that’s what I gave them.

“He was a lot better than I thought he was. He used different angles. He was a tough competitor, but I was the better man tonight.

“Our game-plan was to take our time, go to him, let him shoot all his heavy shots early and then to take him out at the end, down the stretch.

“Well, if I’m not mistaken, I guaranteed everybody that this fight wouldn’t go the distance. Boxing’s reputation was on the line. Boxing’s a hell of a sport, MMA is a hell of a sport.”

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This Thing Called ‘1999 Constitution’

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This Thing Called ‘1999 Constitution’ – Simon Kolawole

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The most evil document in circulation in the world today, I am told, is the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (amended or not). It is such a bad document that it is only fit for the refuse dump. I am further told that all the problems and troubles with Nigeria can be traced to this vile document which has destroyed the hopes and aspirations of millions of Nigerians. It is such a useless and worthless document that until it is shredded, burnt and its ashes thrown into the sea, Nigeria will never make progress. I am made to understand that the 1999 constitution was written by the military and is, thus, to be disdained and avoided like a plague.

This piece was written by Simon Kolawole. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of 360Nobs.com.

Chief Bisi Akande, former national chairman of the APC, recently summarised the discontent with the 1999 constitution thus: “The 1999 Constitution is Nigeria’s greatest misadventure since Lugard’s amalgamation of 1914. The constitution breeds and protects corrupt practices and criminal impunities in governance. All the angels coming from the heavens cannot make that constitution work for the progress of Nigeria. It should only be scrapped as a bad relic of military mentality… Otherwise, the 1999 constitution would continue to dwarf Nigeria’s economy and stifle the country’s social structure pending a disastrous and catastrophic bankruptcy.” Wow!

What is the 1999 constitution? Let me tell you a story. In 1998, after the death of the head of state, Gen. Sani Abacha, Gen. Abdulsalami Abubakar came to power. In an interview with THISDAY in December 1998 (I was a member of the interview team), Abdulsalami said he was so much in a hurry to organise an election and hand over power to civilians that he would have done it within 100 days in office if it were possible. When the election timetable was fixed and the presidential election was slated for February 27, 1999, he said he wanted to hand over by March 1999 but the lawyers advised him to give some time for post-election litigation. So they finally settled for May 29, 1999.

Actually, Abdulsalami had other options before him. One was to use delay tactics by saying he wanted to write a new constitution. To set up a constitutional conference, hold elections into it, allow time for deliberations, recommendation, presentation of report, and then appraisal and approval by the Provisional Ruling Council (PRC) — the country’s highest decision making body at the time — Abdulsalami could buy at least two more years for himself and enjoy power for longer. He could even begin to toy with the idea of transmuting to a civilian president. You know how the devil works. But he was simply in a hurry to see the birth of democracy.

Nevertheless, we needed a constitution. So on November 11, 1998, Abdulsalami inaugurated the Constitution Debate Co-ordinating Committee (CDCC) to “pilot the debate, co-ordinate and collate views and recommendations canvassed by individuals and groups and submit report not later than 31 December 1998″. It was not headed by a soldier but by Justice Niki Tobi, with Dr. Suleiman Kurmo as deputy chairman. There was no single military man on the committee. They went round the country to collect memoranda from the public through town hall meetings in Benin, Enugu, Jos, Port Harcourt, Kaduna, Kano, Ibadan, Lagos and Sokoto. They excluded military formations.

After all the frenetic debates — up and down, north and south, east and west — the Tobi committee submitted its report to the military government. Tobi said: “In the light of the memoranda and the oral presentation on the 1995 Draft Constitution, it is clear that Nigerians basically opt for the 1979 Constitution with relevant amendments. They want it, and they have copiously given their reasons for their choice in the different memoranda and oral presentations. So we have recommended to the Provisional Ruling Council the adoption of the 1979 Constitution with relevant amendments from the 1995 Draft Constitution.” Abdulsalami accepted the recommendation.

When the 1999 constitution was finally published, three of us at THISDAY sat down and placed it side by side with the 1979 constitution. We then did a clause-by-clause analysis. The trio were: Mr. Victor Ifijeh (the current MD of The Nation newspaper who was THISDAY editor then), Alhaji Yusuph Olaniyonu (SA to Senate President Bukola Saraki who was THISDAY politics editor at the time) and my not-so-humble self (then THISDAY features editor). We did a word-for-word reading and laughed ourselves to stupor: this is pure plagiarism of the 1979 constitution! We were not surprised, though: the Tobi committee already told us what to expect.

There were only a few notable differences in the two documents, such as the 13% derivation for oil-producing states and the number of states in the federation. While the 1979 constitution spoke about 19 states, 1999 said 36 states, logically. They were only reflecting the realities on ground. FEDECO in the 1979 document changed to INEC in 1999. I would therefore conclude that the 1999 constitution is a replica of the 1979 constitution. In fact, Prof. Akin Oyebode, the well-respected legal luminary who recently signed a statement by Southern Leaders of Thought to condemn the 1999 constitution, was a key player in the finalisation of that document in 1999.

I may have to add that the 1995 Draft Constitution referred to by the Tobi committee was produced by the National Constitutional Conference conveyed by Abacha. It was made up of appointed and elected members. One of its recommendations was the six-zone structure which we operate today, although it is not contained in the current constitution. Another proposal is the “minimum 13% derivation payment” to oil-producing states. I am highlighting these points in response to claims that our constitution was written by the military and not “we the people”. The military did not write any constitution — apart from promulgating the enabling decrees.

The biggest irony for me is the vicious condemnation of the 1999 constitution by Chief Akande. Now you won’t believe this: Akande was a member of the 1977 Constituent Assembly that debated and produced the 1979 constitution — which, as you would find out, is 99% what we have as the 1999 constitution today! In 1977, Akande was elected to represent Ila and Odo-otin local governments in the Constituent Assembly. I repeat: the 1999 constitution is a photocopy of the 1979 constitution. Factually and logically, Akande has described the document he helped produce as “a bad relic of military mentality”. I am trying to make sense out of this.

Military mentality? Again, let us look at that closely. The constitution drafting committee set up by Gen. Murtala Muhammed in 1975 was headed by Chief FRA Williams. He was not a major general, in my records. (Awo declined to serve on the committee because he wanted to run for president.) The report of the committee formed the basis for discussions at the 1977 Constituent Assembly. Notable CA members were Chief MKO Abiola and core Awoists such as Chief Bola Ige, Chief Abraham Adesanya and Chief Bisi Onabanjo. It was chaired by eminent jurist, Justice Udo Udoma. This is what Akande, himself an elected member, calls “military mentality”. I just can’t understand.

Under the cloned constitution, Akande was elected governor of Osun state in 1999. Under the same constitution that “promotes corruption”, Akande ruled Osun state without stealing one kobo. He was the epitome of transparency and prudence, never given to materialism. He lost his re-election bid in 2003 partly because he refused to be corrupt. He refused to pillage state resources for electoral gain. He did not buy a private jet or houses in Dubai and America. Yet he believes that the 1999 constitution “breeds and protects corrupt practices and criminal impunities in governance”.

In conclusion, I would like to emphasis one point: I have by no means suggested that the 1999 constitution is perfect. I am not that daft. My point is that there are too many statements being made by those against the constitution that are not based on facts. The 1999 constitution was NOT written by the military. I also hasten to say that nobody can write a perfect constitution. Even if Prof. Ben Nwabueze, a well-respected constitutional expert, writes a new constitution today, loopholes will surface in a matter of time. That is why laws are dynamic. As loopholes appear, you plug them. Meanwhile, is the 1999 constitution that horrible? This we shall discuss in my next article.

AND FOUR OTHER THINGS…

HOSTILE OPPOSITION

Some people must be really disappointed and shocked that President Muhammadu Buhari is not dead yet. No matter their wishes, only the Giver and Taker of Life has the final say. The death wishers must be burning with bitterness that the “incapacitated” president has been holding meetings and signing agreements since his return. It felt good to me that he also met with APC and PDP leaders, thereby breaking the ice. But I chuckled at his statement that “opposition does not mean hostility, enmity or antagonism”. Really? APC came to power as one of the most hostile, adversarial and antagonistic opposition parties in our history. Irony.

CAT AND MOUSE

So President Buhari came back to Nigeria after a 103-day medical leave in the UK and the rats prevented him from entering his office. Okay, they said it was not rats that did it — that the office only needed renovation after being in a state of disuse for over three months. I’m not in a position to make an informed comment since I have not seen the office, but I was out of Nigeria for nearly one year from 2014 to 2015 and my office was as fresh as I left it. Why? In my absence, it was being cleaned every day. Which is why I don’t buy the cat-and-mouse game from Aso Rock. There is something they are not telling us but, as an African, I suspect something too. Theories.

QUIT NOTICE

The so-called Arewa youth coalition has withdrawn the quit notice given to Igbo to leave northern Nigeria by October 1. We are supposed to be dancing, right? Do we know the danger we are plunging this country into when a clearly idiotic and illegal quit notice is given by some people from one part of the country to another because others are expressing their fundamental rights to free expression? I insist that NOBODY has any right to ask a Nigerian to quit a state or region. We are playing with fire. Those who issued the quit notice should be behind bars by now. Everybody has a right to agitate but nobody has a right to threaten genocide. Insane.

CUT OFF

A lot of hell has been raised over the fixing of an all-time low baseline for entry into tertiary institutions. The minimum cut-off mark for university degree is now 120 out of 400 (it was a minimum of 200/400 in my time). For polytechnic, it is 100, colleges of education 100, and national innovative enterprise institution 110. Are we “going down low” to reflect the declining standards of education in Nigeria? In any case, I am one of those critics saying JAMB should stop handling admissions into higher institutions. JAMB could remain as a compulsory qualification test (like Toefl), but schools should determine their admission criteria and produce their own lists. Reform.

This piece was written by Simon Kolawole. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of 360Nobs.com.

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Olubadan Of Ibadan Distances Self From Mass Coronation Of 21 New Obas

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With all set for the mass coronation of the 32 new Obas in Ibadan today, the Olubadan of Ibadan, His Imperial Majesty, Oba Saliu Akanmu Adetunji, Aje Ogungunniso 1, has declared that he would boycott the coronation ceremony.

Oba Adetunji, while distancing himself from the mass coronation of the 21 new Kings slated for Sunday at Mapo Hall by Governor Abiola Ajimobi of Oyo State, said that he has no hand whatsoever in the proposed coronation, adding that his name being bandied around in some quarters as the father of the day at the occasion does not enjoy his blessing.

The monarch’s declaration was contained in a statement issued by his Director of Media and Public Affairs, Mr Adeola Oloko, yesterday.

The statement reads: “I have said it for the umpteenth time that I am opposed to the chieftaincy review and its recommendations as the process for such exercise has not been followed.

“Therefore, I cannot see how, as being advertised in some media houses, I could possibly play a fatherly role in an exercise that I have not endorsed.

“Besides, as the father of Ibadan indigenes irrespective of political and ideological persuasion, I cannot attend an occasion where local government executives of one political party have been sending text messages to the party members in Ibadan land to mobilise for the event as if it is a political rally.

“So, as the prescribed and appointing authority on Ibadan chieftaincy matters, I consider, until otherwise reversed, that any conferment of crowns on anybody is an exercise in futility.”

“More so, it is going to be contemptuous for anybody to attend that programme as there are two suits that are yet to be determined before the court.”

“Also, where is the humanity of the organisers of this programme when Ibadan land is still mourning the passage of the Otun Balogun, High Chief Dr. Femi Olaifa, who was one of them until Thursday August 24?”

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p class=”p2″>The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN), in a report, said that Ajimobi, last Friday, presented letters of conferment of obaship titles to 30 out of the 32 obas recommended by the Justice Akintunde Boade (rtd) led Judicial Panel of Enquiry on the review of 1957 Olubadan Chieftaincy Declaration.

The Boade-led panel had on August 18 submitted its report recommending 11 Olubadan High Chiefs and 21 Baales to wear beaded crown in Ibadan but Olubadan had kicked against the review, saying he was not in support of it.

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NANS Threatens To Call For Scrapping Of JAMB If “Low” Cut-Off Mark Not Reversed

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The National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS) has threatened the Joint Admission and Matriculation Board (JAMB) that it will call for the scrapping of the exam body if it fails to reverse the low cut-off marks for admission into tertiary institutions.

The public relations officer, NANS, Bestman Okereafor,  made this known in a statement made available to NAN on Saturday, August 26, 2017.

JAMB Releases 2017/2018 Cut-Off Marks For Universities, Polytechnics, Colleges Of Education

He said if the demand of the association was not met in reasonable time, it would call for the scrapping of JAMB.

His words: “Conclusively NANS will not hesitate to call for the scrapping of JAMB if the decision is not withdrawn without further delay.”

“The national leadership of the apex students governing body, National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS), frowned at the drastic reduction of the JAMB unified cut off mark to 120, for admission into Nigeria universities.

“NANS sees this as a means of further degrading the level of the already falling and failing academic performance and excellence in Nigeria institutions.

“In lieu of this, NANS under the able leadership of the proactive NANS President, Comrade Aruna Kadiri, is calling on JAMB to reverse this inimical act without further delay or face the anger of Nigerian students.”

JAMB, after this year’s Unified Tertiary Matriculation Examination (UTME), met with stakeholders, and fixed 120 and 100 as cut-off marks for admission into universities and polytechnics respectively.

Meanwhile, the apex exam body has disclosed that the admission processes for 2017/2018 will commence on September 15 and close on January 31, 2018.

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IPOB Dares Nigerian Government To Re-Arrest Nnamdi Kanu

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Pro-Biafra group, Indigenous Peoples of Biafra (IPOB), has challenged the Nigerian Government to attempt to re-arrest its leader, Nnamdi Kanu.

Biafra: IPOB Rejects Arewa’s Withdrawal Of Quit Notice, Tells Igbo To Leave North

The secessionist group made this known less than a day after a document of an appeal by Nigeria’s Attorney General and Minister of Justice, Abubakar Malami, asking for the revocation of a court order that granted bail to Mr. Kanu was made available to the public.

The minister also advocated the re-arrest and detention of the IPOB leader pending the determination of the charges against him.

He said Kanu’s conducts have violated his bail conditions and as such the secessionist agitator should be arrested.

The IPOB leader has in furtherance to the offence he was charged, inaugurated Biafra Security Service adding that such an act was a grave threat to national security and unity of the country.

FG Begins Move To Send Pro-Biafran Leader Kanu Back To Prison

However, in reaction to the minister’s position, IPOB accused the Federal Government of playing politics, adding that Mr. Kanu could never be rearrested.

In a statement issued, the group also vowed that many tragic events would happen if Nigerian authorities ever rearrested the IPOB leader.

It read: “IPOB is not doing anything about the order of [the Federal Government] through the Attorney General to revoke [a] court order and arrest Nnamdi Kanu again. We are just watching and waiting to see what is going to happen and how it will happen.”

“Think about what his re-arrest would cause in Nigeria. The FG is just playing politics. They cannot arrest Nnamdi Kanu. This is not the first time they would be calling for his re-arrest. Nevertheless, a lot of people have written articles stating the tragic that will happen if he is rearrested.”

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Aso Villa And The Audacity Of Rats – Reuben Abati

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Aso Villa And The Audacity Of Rats By Reuben Abati

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“What’s that sound I am hearing?”

“What sound?”

“I thought I heard something like miaow, miaow…”

“Oh my cats…oh yes…”

“Are you now breeding cats?”

Rodents Took Over Buhari’s Office During His 103-Day Medical Vacation Abroad – Presidency

“Not really. But I have just joined a group of concerned Nigerians who are planning to go to the Presidential Villa in Abuja to help sort out this issue of rats that invaded the President’s office and chased him out of his office as the BBC reported.”

“You mean you believe that story?”

“Nobody knows what to believe in this country anymore, but we are patriots and Baba’s loyalists, and we are determined to make our own contribution. Why don’t you join us?”

“To go and kill rats in Abuja?”

“Yes. Can’t you see that those rats are irresponsible elements? The President traveled for three months and they just took over his office, ate up the furniture in the office and now Baba has to work from home for 3 months while his office would have to be renovated, all at public expense.”

“How on earth would rats invade the President’s office?”

“You like to ask questions. Garba Shehu, the President’s spokesman and an experienced journalist who knows a story is not a story except it is accurate has told us that they are having a problem with rats in the Villa, who are you to doubt him? Have you been to the Villa before?”

“Yes.”

“So, join us. Those rats have crossed national red lines. They must be destroyed relentlessly because they are terrorists and criminals. They are in fact guilty of treasonable felony. What they have done is the equivalent of an attempted coup d’etat! We, the concerned citizens, will not take it. We have a duty to defend this democracy.”

“But why are you bothering yourself? The President has met with the Security Chiefs. And he gave them a marching order to ensure national security. They should know what to do”

“But did they obey the marching order? After their meeting with the President, the other day, they just addressed a press conference and returned to their offices. Not a word about the breach of national security by rats. I was shocked. I expected the service chiefs to march straight to the President’s office and deal with the rats with immediate effect. This is the problem. Baba has around him, people who are not ready to help his administration. Even the Generals, with all their epaulets and combat experience, are running away from common rats! You now see why some of us have decided to take up this matter as patriots?”

“I don’t think anybody will allow you to take cats into the President’s office, though. That may even be more of a threat to national security than the rats invasion.”

“Okay, what do you suggest, we go to the zoo and get lions, jackals, and hyenas to attack rats?”

“What will a lion do with rats?”

“That is my point. It is actually a job for cats. Rats flourish in the absence of cats. Don’t you know it is only when the cat is not at home that rats become bold enough to take over the house? As the Yoruba people put it, a i si nile ologinni, ile di ile ekute.”

“Abasi mbok. I could never imagine that a day will come when Okon Calabar will take over Nigeria’s seat of power.”

“Okon Calabar. Who is that?”

“Okon Calabar.  That is what we call rats in Calabar. Okon Calabar is not an ordinary rat at all. It has the appetite of about ten men. Have you ever seen a rat that has a pot belly, the effect of pathological gluttony?”

“Jesus”

“That is Okon Calabar. Not even rat poison can kill it. And your cats had better be capable. Okon Calabar’s jaws are like this… strong, frightening. Ugh. In those days, Okon Calabar’s specialty was the family pot of soup. If you left your soup pot carelessly in the kitchen, Okon Calabar will lick all the soup and leave for you a clean pot.  The real story is that Okon Calabar has very strong spiritual powers; it is an agent of demons and spirits.”

“Thank you. I think from now on, I will just be very careful. Anybody at all who bears Okon whether a rat or a human being… You now see why Baba had to abandon his office and work from home?”

“But is he actually working from home? I think he is working from the office.”

“The same office where the rats have taken possession?”

“I saw the photograph of the President’s meeting with the Service Chiefs. That is actually not the office in the residence. The office in the residence is small and private. I don’t know why we have to be told he is working from home, when he is actually using a second office which is part of his main office.”

“The people working for him say he is working from home, you say he is actually working from his office, another office. You and your over-sabi.”

“Well, I may be wrong. But the last administration extended the President’s office, by erecting in the green space between the President’s office and the residence, a mini-conference/banquet hall, which has a hall, a diplomatic reception room, a fully fitted kitchen, a Presidential office, a stage, a control room, a newsroom, and a broadcast room where the President can either record or have live broadcast.”

“They may have changed the design of things since you last visited the Villa. So you don’t know”

“But I saw the photographs in the media. The office in that Presidential office extension is just about 3 minutes walk from the residence.  Once the President goes there to hold meetings, he is already effectively in the office. And in any case, was it even necessary to tell us the President is working from home or that rats have chased him away from his office? If they want to change furniture, let them do it. There is no point creating unnecessary news.”

“Your oversabi is getting too much these days.”

“Unnecessary news always generates unnecessary questions. Now, we have been told that N2 billion was actually earmarked for the cleaning and fumigation of the Villa. So, who is responsible for keeping the Villa rodent-free?”

“N4 billion actually. I hear Julius Berger is in charge of the maintenance of the Villa.”

“So, Julius Berger would have to explain to Nigerians how rats invaded the President’s office. Is it that they locked up the place and stopped cleaning it? Ordinarily, every part of the Villa must be kept clean every day. I still don’t believe this rat story. Rats in the President’s office? The BBC in its report was practically laughing at Nigeria. I imagine when next any foreign diplomat is posted to Nigeria, one of his briefing notes would be the need for him to watch out for rats in the Villa. Oyinbo people too like akproko.”

“Do you want to keep writing an essay on this matter or you want to join us? Any small thing, you will just start vibrating.”

“We need to raise questions. But since you insist that the rats story must be true, could that also be the reason why the Federal Executive Council meeting for this week was canceled?”

“I don’t think so. You should stop worrying about whether a Council meeting is held or not. It is not an issue. There is nothing in the Constitution that says FEC must meet every week or on any particular day. The President can choose to hold cabinet meetings on a- need-arises-basis.  It is a matter of choice or style.”

“Okay, if I must join your rat-catchers gang, what is in it for me?”

“Must you always expect to be paid for every service rendered? We are a group of volunteer patriots going to Aso Rock to save it from rats. Oh when the saints/Go marching in/Oh, when the saints go marching in/Oh how I want to be in that number/When the saints go marching in/Oh when the drums begin to bang…/I want to be in that number…. Are you joining us?”

“Wait first.  I think before we go to the Villa, we should take Lassa Fever vaccination as a form of protection and candidly, I think everybody in that Villa should be tested for  Lassa fever. As you well know, rats are vectors of Lassa fever.”

“I don’t think this matter is that serious.”

“Still, it is better to take precautions.  Doctors can be imported from either the UK or the US or the Medecins san frontieres can be called in to help.”

“We have doctors in Nigeria who can administer vaccination if need be.”

“Which Nigerian doctors?”

“It is even the job of a nurse. Vaccination is a simple procedure.”

“If you want me to join the rat-catchers league of patriots, you will first arrange a trip for me to the UK to take a Lassa fever injection, and then I will be prepared.”

“Obviously, you are also afraid of the rats, so, you have to find an excuse to dodge. And to think I have a role for you in this all-important and urgent national assignment.”

“What role?”

“I want you to be our Pied Piper.”

“Pied Piper. What is that?”

“Don’t tell me you have never heard of the Pied Piper? The Piped Piper of Hamelin”

“No. Why should I know him? Does he know me too?”

“Kai. What are they teaching you people in school these days? And you go about pretending to be educated? Kai. Well, I can’t blame you. What should we expect when the universities are running epileptic programmes and the teachers are on strike almost every year?”

“Don’t insult me. What is your point?”

“Okay, I want you to be our Pied Piper, right? You will dress up colourfully, and play a pipe, a flute or a saxophone or a mouth organ, whichever one you can play. You will also carry our company colours”

“Are we a company and what has colours got to do with it?”

“We are a brigade. In military terms, a brigade is also a company.  And when you go to war, you must carry your colors. That is another word for the flag. In this case, you will carry the Nigerian flag.”

“But music? Why the music?”

“The Pied Piper of Hamelin played music for the rats that invaded Hamelin in medieval Germany, and led them out of the city and thus saved Hamelin from an epidemic.  But you are not going to play music for the rats in Aso Villa. No. No. No. Our strategy is different. We are not going to play music for those rodents and terrorists. We are going to destroy them. The punishment for treason in Nigeria is death, not music. You will play music for the kyanwas and muzuru, to motivate them.”

“And who are those?”

“Cats. Kyanwa- female cats; muzuru- male cats. We did some research and found that cats respond positively to music. No stone will be left unturned on this mission”

“So, how soon are we storming Aso Villa? The whole thing is beginning to look interesting to me.”

“As soon as we finish working out the logistics. See, our strategy is simple. The operation will be codenamed “Operation Kyanwa” by the Hamelin Brigade. The cats will attack and destroy the rats. Then we will fumigate the entire Villa. The furniture will be moved out and replaced. And by God’s grace, the President can return to his Main office, by this time next week, to continue the noble work of leading 190 million Nigerians, without any threat from irresponsible rats.”

“Brilliant”

“I take it that you are with us, then.”

“Ye-s s-ir. “

“Thank you. Let us go and teach the Okon Calabars of Aso Villa, a lesson. God bless the Federal Republic of Nigeria.”

 This piece was written by Reuben Abati. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of 360Nobs.com.

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Soldiers Kill 10-Year-Old Boy, 2 Others Die In Owerri

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Commercial activities in the hub of Imo State capital, Owerri, were paralyzed on Saturday after a 10-year-old boy, Somtochukwu Ibeanusi, was allegedly shot dead by military men from the 34 Artillery Brigade.

The Punch reports that the soldiers were deployed to maintain law and order during the forceful demolition of the Owerri Main Market, popularly known as Eke -Ukwu Owerri, by the state government.

It was gathered that many other residents were hospitalised owing to injuries sustained when the soldiers allegedly opened fire as youths protested against the demolition of the market.

Following the death of the protester, Owerri natives proceeded to set fire to the properties belonging to some residents, which led to a fight and resulted to the death of two others.

Speaking on the incident to pressmen, the father of the deceased, Isaiah Ibeanusi, said the military men shot his son at the back of his head and that he died instantly.

He added that the tragedy happened while he was trying to remove his goods during the demolition exercise, which was supervised by the army, police, Department of State Services, Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps and Air Force.

His words: “While I was trying to remove my goods from the shop, I was alerted that my son had been shot by the Army.

“I quickly rushed to the scene but my son was already dead. He was shot in the back of his head. The soldiers that shot the bullet did not care, they quickly moved on.”

NAN reports that the State Governor Rochas Okorocha had issued an evacuation order to the traders advising them to relocate to a new site to make way for development at the market site.

The efforts were resisted by the natives of the area, who fought the relocation of the market by the state government.

However, the market was demolished in the middle of the night by bulldozers already stationed at the scene despite the efforts of the natives.

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Bosz Calls On Dortmund To Improve

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Dortmund have started the season quite well, but manager Peter Bosz is hoping they can improve in some areas.

Dortmund made it two wins in a row thanks to goals from either half from Aubameyang and Nuri Sahin to give them a 2-0 win over Hertha Berlin.

Bosz was impressed with the win , but will like to see his team improve, most especially in possession.

“I am satisfied with the result, but we still have to work on our game,” Bosz said.

“Especially with our own ball possession. We have to move the ball faster against such a compact opponent.

“Nuri was very often free, but it took too long for the ball to get to him. If we got the ball to Nuri in midfield, then it became dangerous.”

Dortmund are currently top of the table with six points and have scored five goals without conceding. Bosz is not concerned about the table at this early stage.

“The table is currently not relevant for us. I hope we can say that after 34 games, then it is important, but not after two games,” he said.

“Nevertheless, we have scored five goals and have not yet conceded. That’s strong.”

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Wenger: Lacazette Price Was Fair

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Arsene Wenger is quite pleased with the swift business Arsenal conducted in the signing of Alexandre Lacazette.

The Arsenal manager believes the reported fee of €53 million which the club paid for the striker is a decent bargain and could have cost more had business been conducted later in the windows.

Lacazette joined the Gunners from Lyon in July and has already scored in the PL, opening his account against Leicester City on opening day.

“It depends sometimes on the timing. The inflation sometimes is so quick within the transfer market that the timing of your buys is very important,” Wenger said ahead of his side’s trip to Liverpool on Sunday.

“We were already on the case last year, so when I came back in I knew the player.

“Considering the market now, I think it is a very decent price. The price would certainly be very different today.”

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Mayweather Goes 50-0 With TKO On McGregor

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Floyd Mayweather retained his ego and bragging rights, after stopping Conor McGregor in the 10th round of their Las Vegas bout.

Money extended his record to a round 50-0 after a technical knockout of the inexperienced UFC star.

The stoppage is a first for Mayweather since 2011 and places him firmly above heavyweight boxing great Rocky Marciano.

The Irish UFC star started the fight quite well and was in the first two rounds. However, as the fight went on, he started fading away and a barrage of shots forced the referee to stop the bout.

“I would have liked the ref to let me keep going,” McGregor said afterwards. “I was a little fatigued, early on I thought it was handy, I have to give it to him.”

McGregor showed his style and slick punching skills early in the fight, but his resolve was tested as the game went on. With his reflexes and feet starting to dip on the fourth and fifth round.

Mayweather took advantage and punished his opponent, whose guard became easily penetrable for him.

McGregor was forced backwards in every round after the fifth, with the American boxer finding a home for his right fist at every turn.

Mayweather landed punches that snapped McGregor’s head back on occasion and bloodied him in the eighth, as the Irish was lacking in defence.

Despite his weak feet and lethargic arms, McGregor stuck to his guns and his ruggedness was the only thing that kept him on his feet.

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