Court hilarity

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COURT REPORTERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES !These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS:      He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy ?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:      My name is Susan !
_______________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS:      Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:      No, I just lie there.
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS:      July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS:      Every year.
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS:      Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS:      Forty-five years.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS:      I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:      Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:      He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:      Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS:      Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS:      Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS:      None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a  new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:      By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:      Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:      He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:      Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS:      No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:      All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:      Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS:      The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:      If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:      Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:      No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:      No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:      Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS:      Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

Source: New feed3

Femi Kuti performs on stage with his children

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Femi Kuti performing with sons Ayomide and Tunmise and daughter Demilade

 Femi Kuti has been playing at the New Afrika Shrine with his young children. Just like his first son Omorinmade (a.k.a Made) who is now studying classical music in the UK, when he was much younger, Ayomide, Tunmise and his daughter Demilade have been going on stage with their father in recent times.

During his Thursday evening rehearsals at the Shrine, the boys mimic every move that their legendary father makes; they sing along with him on make-believe microphones, tap on the keyboard alongside and also pick up imaginary trumpets when he blows.

Femi described Ayomide as “just like Fela, too troublesome” in my interview with him last year. He also said Tunmise is learning to be “a rascal” from Ayomide. From what I’ve seen so far, these are two kids who look up to their father so much and are already looking to step into his shoes.

The kids are already warming into the celebrity role that their father enjoys as they regularly have to greet revelers and admirers with fist bumps just like their father does. The Kuti family looks assured of another generation of musical torch bearers.


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Unilag Lagoon Front

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 The University of Lagos is bordered by the Lagoon. Along its bank has been built a park where students usually spend time having fun, reading, discussing and plain just admiring the view. One can watch the Third Mainland Bridge economic rat race from the peaceful lagoon front.

I made these images a few weeks ago and only just found them out again to share.


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In language class with Femi Kuti

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Femi Kuti speaking to Lolade: Photo by Wale Falola
I have had some interesting interactions with musicians over the course of my journalism career but this one with Afrobeat star Femi Kuti trumps all. During my recent interview with him following his third Grammy Awards nomination, we talked about the concept of ‘knowing’. He made a point about the fact that I couldn’t have known his father Fela which I responded in the affirmative. Then he went on to lecture me about the rudiments of English grammar. And the following argument ensued: 
Femi Kuti: How old are you?
Lolade Adewuyi: 31
FK: You couldn’t have known Fela.
LA: Well I knew him even though I didn’t grow up in Lagos.
FK: You knew him; you don’t even speak English well. Knew? How did you know him? You met him? Knew means you must have met him, you’re familiar. Knew him in terms of you have heard his album, abi?
LA: Before he died. I grew up with my dad playing his songs.
FK: So from your dad is how you got to know his music.
LA: Yes.
FK: Even before he died, you were not privileged to even come to Lagos to watch him perform. Patapata[at most] you would have seen him on TV and the footage they have of Fela on TV is when he was old, over 50.
LA: No that was Egypt 80 performing in, was it that Egypt show?
FK: He never performed in Egypt, either Berlin.
LA: There was a big show. It was really the biggest I’ve seen.
FK: Where?
LA: I can’t remember the city, but it was really big and I saw it on Ondo State TV because I grew up in Akure.
FK: You have to tell me because they don’t have much footage of my father when he was young, except you Google him now. There is some footage that people are putting on the internet when he was in his 30s, when he was at his peak.
LA: I think he was in his 40s in this video.
FK: You still did not “knew” the man.
LA: But I’ve read his biographies.
FK: It’s like me saying that I know Kwame Nkrumah. I’ve read his book, I’ve read his philosophies.
LA: You don’t have to meet someone before you know them.
FK: It’s good to still meet, you have met me now; you can tell another generation that you met me. It says a lot in 20 years time when, if I’m still alive or dead, that you have met me than to know or read about me.
LA: Yes, true.
FK: So “knew”, I’m only going about the English you’re speaking, “knew” is different. You do not know the man; you have heard about him, you have read about him…
LA: Stop trying to intimidate me!
(Laughter)
FK: I’m not trying to intimidate you, I’m trying to make you understand the English that we’re speaking as African people is such a problem and a burden on our lives that if we don’t understand what we’re writing, when a journalist takes his pen and writes that Femi Kuti is mad, it’s a big deal because 100,000 people will read, and they will tell their friends and then Femi does not have the power to counter that story or fight back this journalist, or journalists.
Needless to say, I left that interview a whole lot wiser and became a friend of Femi Kuti. The interview that was scheduled for an hour ran into almost two hours as we exchanged banters. Perhaps like Femi said, I can tell my children that I met him, therefore I know him. However, since I enjoy Fela’s music and identify with some of his messages, having interviewed his sons, read his story and philosophy, I would like to maintain that I KNOW him. Jesus Christ said, blessed are those who have not seen, yet believed. I have researched enough to assume a level of knowledge that many people who met him physically can say about knowing him. I do believe that I know Fela. After all, he’s no longer a man but a concept.     
A more ‘serious-minded’ part of the interview was published in TELL last week


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The Passion of Christ

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Captured this Passion of Christ procession on Good Friday along Agidingbi Road as I drove out in the morning. I’d always seen scenes like this on TV and in the papers but it was my first live view. So I parked by the kerb and shot a few images as the procession by St Leo’s Catholic Church moved along the road towards Coca Cola Junction.

By the way, did you notice the hair? Wonder how well coiffed Christ’s hair was as he was led like a lamb to the slaughter on Calvary.
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Goal.com Nigeria launch party

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L-r: Dan Price, Business Development Manager Perform, Lolade Adewuyi, Chief Editor Goal.com Nigeria, Deacon Ayo Ositelu, Editorial Board member The Guardian, Daryn Wober, Managing Director Global Business Development Perform, Tokunbo Adodo, Marketing Manager Non-Alcoholic Drinks, Nigeria Breweries, Ita Bassey, Senior Brand Manager Gulder, and Olayiwola Onafowokan, Head of Value Added Service, Etisalat Nigeria at the launch of Goal.com Nigeria, Oriental Hotel, Lagos on Friday March 30.
Daryn Wober, MD Global Business Development, Perform Media

 The world’s biggest football website Goal.com launched its Nigeria edition on Friday March 30 at the Oriental Hotel, Victoria Island. Here are some photos from the event. Read an article on the website

Goal.com Nigeria Chief Editor Lolade Adewuyi

Lolade Adewuyi, Thisday’s Kunle and Dan Price

Goal.com Nigeria writers Babajide Alaka, Bode Oguntuyi and Emeka Nwani

Sports broadcaster Mitchell Obi, Osa Unwede of 70th Precinct, Daryn Wober

MC Bimbo Adeola

Perform’s Stewart, Lolade, Dan, Daryn and Goal.com columnist Bode Oguntuyi

Goal.com hostesses


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Arise Magazine Lagos Fashion Week – KIKI Clothing

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I was invited by my friend Titi Ademola of KIKI Clothing to her show at the recent Arise Magazine Lagos Fashion Week on Sunday. Here are a few shots from the event. I sadly could not wait till the end to see Ozwald Boateng’s designs but it was a delight to see super model Oluchi walk the ruway, my first time of seeing her.It’s my first time of taking photos on the runway, didn’t prepare for it as I sat in a tight corner of the hall but I hope you get an idea of the show through these shots.

KIKI Clothing models
Designer Titi Ademola of KIKI Clothing Accra, Ghana
Super model Oluchi


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Birds of our Land

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Our wonderful beautiful magical book on birds in Nigeria is finally available, here for more information.  The perfect surprise pressie for the children in your life..

Source: New feed3

Red carpet photos from Soul Diaspora’s premiere in Lagos

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Award winning film Soul Diaspora had its Nigerian premiere at the Ozone Cinemas, Yaba on Saturday January 28. Odera Ozoka’s story about the troubled life of a Nigerian immigrant in Los Angeles days before the 9/11 attacks won the 2009 African Movie Academy Awards for best film from a director in the Diaspora. Lead actor Saidu Abu also got a nomination for his gritty performance in the best actor category. On Saturday, the Lagos audience got a look at the film sthat has garnered so much praise at many festivals worldwide. Personally, I wasn’t disappointed. Can’t speak for others who came in expecting a regular Nollywood melodrama. Director Odera had warned me ahead of time that this was not “a date movie” when I asked if I could come with a friend. It’s a noirish story of loneliness in a foreign land, stereotypes, hate, culture shock and the anger and suspicion that followed the attacks on America in September 2001. No plot spoilers here because the movie will open to audiences later this year and I would like for everyone to get shocked by the tragedy of the movie. Here are a few photos from the red carpet event.
Nollywood actress Steph-Nora Okereke

Nollywood actor Emeka Ike

Director Odera Ozoka with his Mother

The film’s star Sadiq Abu

“Chuks” and “Ene” of Tinsel

Journalist Lolade Adewuyi, film producer Clotilde Delavennat and actor Sadiq Abu


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Red carpet photos from Soul Diaspora’s premiere in Lagos

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Award winning film Soul Diaspora had its Nigerian premiere at the Ozone Cinemas, Yaba on Saturday January 28. Odera Ozoka’s story about the troubled life of a Nigerian immigrant in Los Angeles days before the 9/11 attacks won the 2009 African Movie Academy Awards for best film from a director in the Diaspora. Lead actor Saidu Abu also got a nomination for his gritty performance in the best actor category. On Saturday, the Lagos audience got a look at the film sthat has garnered so much praise at many festivals worldwide. Personally, I wasn’t disappointed. Can’t speak for others who came in expecting a regular Nollywood melodrama. Director Odera had warned me ahead of time that this was not “a date movie” when I asked if I could come with a friend. It’s a noirish story of loneliness in a foreign land, stereotypes, hate, culture shock and the anger and suspicion that followed the attacks on America in September 2001. No plot spoilers here because the movie will open to audiences later this year and I would like for everyone to get shocked by the tragedy of the movie. Here are a few photos from the red carpet event.
Nollywood actress Steph-Nora Okereke

Nollywood actor Emeka Ike

Director Odera Ozoka with his Mother

The film’s star Sadiq Abu

“Chuks” and “Ene” of Tinsel

Journalist Lolade Adewuyi, film producer Clotilde Delavennat and actor Sadiq Abu


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The Women of #OccupyNigeria

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Waka music singer Salawa Abeni joined voices with the people at the Gani Fawehinmi Park on Tuesday. Beside her is Joe-Okei Odumakin, a fiery civil society leader who in her own right has become a rallying point for the masses.

 The OccupyNigeria protests have continued into the second day and my attention has been drawn to the role of women in the demonstrations. They have played big roles as much as men in the struggle against tyranny against the Nigerian people by their government. Here are a few of the women I captured during these protests.

Journalist Lolade Sowoolu tweets on her mobile phone during protests at the Gani Fawehinmi Park

Star actress Bimbo Akintola showed up at the OccupyNigeria protests in Ojota to denounce the government

Activist Chioma Ogwuegbu displays her Nigeria colours at the OccupyNigeria protests in Ojota

This young lady joined the protests against fuel subsidy removal at Ojodu.

With a smile, this young lady asks the government to rescind its decision.


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#OccupyNigeria: The birth of a neighbourhood protest

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Dayo Fadugba leads a handful of young men at the start of the protest in Ojodu

 I was privileged to be part of the beginning of a protest in my neigbourhood as the #OccupyNigeria protests against the removal of government subsidy on petroleum commenced today. Dayo Fadugba, former publicity officer of the Obafemi Awolowo University students union, called a group of young men together on Sunday night to sensitise them about the issues on ground. I got wind of it and attended. The stage was set for protests on Monday morning and I was duly woken up by Fadugba’s phone call at 7:16am informing me that they were about to commence.

Without as much as a shower, I jumped out onto the streets, camera in hand, to meet about seven young men, Fadugba inclusive, as they sang around the Ishaga Ojodu-Abiodun area denouncing the government position. We moved from house to house, street to street urging parents to release their young people to join in the protests that affects one and all.

Fadugba said: “You provide water for yourselves, you subsidise your own electricity, you send your children to private schools, they graduate but cannot get jobs and the government wants you to keep quiet, what has the government done for you? If you fight you may win but if you don’t fight you have definitely lost”.

From a handful of people, the crowd grew into almost a thousand signifying the anger of many Nigerians at their government’s anti-human policies. We moved towards the Ojodu-Abiodun Police Post where Emeka Nwonyi, the divisional police officer, asked the young men and women to protest peacefully even as he acknowledged the fact that policemen also feel the pinch of the policy.

The procession then moved to the Berger Roundabout where it occupied before moving on towards Omole and onwards to Ojota where the larger #OccupyNigeria party was being held.

From seven people to more than a thousand, there is power in the peoples’ anger.

A banner says: We no fit shout

Writing the signs

Protesting for his future

Bring an end to corruption

No to fuel subsidy removal

Fadugba addresses Emeka Nwonyi, divisional police officer of the Ojodu-Abiodun Police post

Young people are angry at their government

Emeka Nwonyi, DPO Ojodu-Abiodun Police post addresses the protesting crowd 

Nothing that goes up ever comes down in Nigeria

From a small beginning, the crowd grows into a mammoth and moves to Berger Roundabout

Clapping against government tyranny

Fuel price hike portends hell for many Nigerians


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The Angel of Dustbin Estate

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Tolulope Sangosanya with children of Dustbin Estate at her resource centre

Tolulope Sangosanya founded the Love On The Streets (LOTS) Charity Foundation to cater for the less privileged children living around Pako in Ajegunle, Lagos. The neighbourhood is better known by its other name, Dustbin Estate.

Having experienced a life of challenges herself, Tolu has found her calling in taking care of the needs of educational needs of the children in the area. Growing up Tolu could not read. After overcoming her disability, her family got a prophecy that she was going to die before her 25th birthday.

“I used to tell myself that I am special but couldn’t read and write,”  Tolu told me. “How can I get to this stage when I thought all was well and then they say that I shall die?”

And so came the desire to leave a legacy behind. It was the reason behind LOTS Charity. Not only did she not die, her charity has survived and is giving succour to more than a hundred kids at the rented apartment where she operates a resource and literacy centre in the Ajegunle neighbourhood. “I can relate and empathize with them because I had a late start in life. All they need is love.”

In 2010, Tolu was awarded the prize for the best use of advocacy at The Future Awards. She continues to give her time and attention to the children of Dustbin Estate where she is assisted by Priye and Emmanuel Bayoko, two siblings who grew up in the neighbourhood.

“I’m doing it for the future of the kids,” said Emmanuel. “I believe in Nigeria’s future.”

(Please see link to help Tolulope Sangosanya’s work with the children of Dustbin Estate)

The slum where the kids and their families live
Tolu with her assistants Priye and Emmanuel Bayoko


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Ikeja City Mall Opens

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The Ikeja City Mall was commissioned today by Lagos governor Babatunde Fashola. A long line of customers queued up outside to receive freebies from the major retailers that include Shoprite, Twice As Nice, Silverbird Cinemas, Mr Price, NIKE, etc. 


Mr Fashola said the mall “restores Ikeja back to its rightful place as the retail hub of Lagos. This development provides an inspiring vision of what can be achieved through collaboration between the development partners, regulators, government officials and tenants. Ikeja City Mall brings world-class retail and leisure facilities to Lagos. I am excited to see my fellow citizens in the mall today, relaxing and having fun.”


 Well, I can tell you, this will become a veritable playground for Mainlanders during this Christmas. 


Shopping time

Governor Fashola
*Photos courtesy of Adewale Adelola


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Falomo Roundabout

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The Falomo Roundabout seen from the sixth floor of Union Marble House. In the distance across the water is Victoria Island.
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Professor Akin Oyebode’s Inaugural Lecture

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Professor Akin Oyebode 

Law teacher, public analyst, and author Akin Oyebode delivered his inaugural lecture at the University of Lagos on Wednesday, 20 years after he became a professor. Better late than never, it is a debt every erudite scholar owes the university system. In “Of Norms, Values and Attitudes: The Cogency of International Law”, Oyebode challenges the Nigerian political elite to “jettison its obsurantism and anti-intellectual attitude” concerning “policy formulation and implementation on international matters by encouraging informed input from academics and experts.”

Unilag top dons


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Professor Akin Oyebode’s Inaugural Lecture

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Professor Akin Oyebode 

Law teacher, public analyst, and author Akin Oyebode delivered his inaugural lecture at the University of Lagos on Wednesday, 20 years after he became a professor. Better late than never, it is a debt every erudite scholar owes the university system. In “Of Norms, Values and Attitudes: The Cogency of International Law”, Oyebode challenges the Nigerian political elite to “jettison its obsurantism and anti-intellectual attitude” concerning “policy formulation and implementation on international matters by encouraging informed input from academics and experts.”

Unilag top dons


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Ojodu sunset

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This photo is from about a year ago and I only found it in my archives. It just feels like one could pluck the sun from its perch as it slowly set over Ojodu.
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